Doctors: Is there anything out there that is actually GOOD for us?

So, my nephew came to visit this weekend, right? And he seemed a lot more tanned than usual.

His mom was told by a doctor that sunscreen is actually harmful for 3 year olds.

And then it hit me:

Around 30 years ago, it was common knowledge that if you sit too close to the TV, you might go blind. Correct me if I’m wrong: Wasn’t that even some doctor’s statement? Wasn’t it even announced on TV?

Anyway, whatever.

Then, everybody said (even doctors) that videogames were wrong: They can cause seizures, poor brain cell development, lack of attention, ackward social interaction and blah, blah, blah. Today, we even have gamers communities and some “video games” (like… i don’t know… emulators…) that are even government-sponsored.

A few years go by and a lot of things that are “bad” for us, have turned out not to be so: Hugging a person with AIDS (I’m not making it up), sleeping next to your cell phone, using your cell phone a lot, having too much coffee, having too little coffee, having 2+ eggs a day for breakfast (IT’S A DEATH SENTENCE!!!), eating too many pork-derived products, drinking too much water (more than 100oz.), using your laptop on your actual lap, not using anti-bacterial soap with kids, shampooing (cause shampoo is 100% chemicals), conditioning, eating organic, not eating organic…

The last and most ridiculous of these statements if this: Too much bread can make you stupid.

Really. A doctor actually said that. Too much bread can make you stupid.

Wow.

So… If sunscreen is wrong today… because it was even imposed on some of us… I take that having a Twinkie today is deadly for me and the next 12 generations, right? Me, having a Twinkie right now can cause my great great great great grandchildren to be born with their pinky toe slightly crooked, right? Damn. Then I better stay indoors and chew my fucking hand off. It is organic, familiar, known, safe and not proven harmful, right?

In all seriousness and to all doctors out there: Is there anything that is actually GOOD for us?

Today broccoli is safe. Am I to assume that in a couple of years or decades, broccoli is going to be a national security threat? And if so… WHY???

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be free about my choices, man. See, if I place my kid under direct mild sunlight, is wrong, because, fuck you, you’re not cooking the kid, right? If I don’t place the kid under sunlight, I’m an evil fucker cause my kid won’t have his calcium fixed and can cause his bones to be too fragile. If I put some sunscreen on him, I’m an asshole. If I don’t, I still am. If I take my kid out, he’s “exposed” to pollution, dust, dirt, crap, animals, asteroids crasing into the Earth and flying rabid raccoons… If I don’t, I’m a criminal and may be even put in jail. Really.

So… you see where I’m getting at?

Doctors, please. Give me my fucking life back, alright? Give me my choices back.

And fuck it. I’m having pizza today. I’m already stupid, so, why bother?